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George
W Bush: animatronic robot
Created
in absolute secrecy by the CIA and top defense contractors, "Unit
W" was designed to simulate average human motion, speech,
and behavior. Originally intended for espionage, he is the fusion
of a servo-motorized biofidelic shell and a sophisticated artificial
intelligence module. The fiendish experiment proved to be such
a success that his human masters decided to put their creation
to the ultimate test -- run him for President.
Now George
W, a mindless automaton created in a top-secret lab, will preside
over the first literal "puppet government."
Consider
these two photos taken two days apart and published
in the Washington Post.
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Washington
Post, 12/18/00
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Washington
Post, 12/20/00
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Notice
the eerie similarity? Leading experts in animatronic motion
agree that what you are seeing is a puppet that has defaulted
into "standby mode." George W has temporarily shut down
and assumed a preprogrammed pose while waiting his turn to reactivate
and begin speaking.
One
common question is: if George W uses a powerful onboard computer
representing the latest in artificial intelligence technology,
why does he seem so dumb? The answer is twofold:
George
W was designed to simulate average human responses. He
was originally developed for espionage purposes and thus must
appear unremarkable, uninteresting, unworthy of note. He is designed
to arouse minimum suspicion. His behavioral heuristics produce
highly standardized responses in an effort to avoid novel situations
and actions that might betray his true nature.
George
W's Artificial
Intelligence still cannot simulate human thought processes.
Experts agree that George W is not self-aware. Rather than pack
his limited internal memory with facts or figures, his engineers
focused on loose behavioral guidelines strung together with an
assortment of human-like tics. (Leading researchers believe the
Texan drawl accent alone may consume more than 120 Gigabytes of
storage space.) While he can be cabled to a larger memory module
when he's in a fixed location (such as the Oval Office), appearances
in person (such as at the debates) demand that he function exclusively
on his limited onboard systems.
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