Save the Guinea Worm

It astonishes me that anyone believes anything they read on the Internet. A better format for pandering to the delusions and prejudices of the nouveau-disenfranchised could hardly be invented. The Web allows even the most scurrilous rogue to throw a cloak of authenticity over his or her moronic doctrines. We're too wowed by the technology to be veryt savvy consumers of its products. It's like the early days of television, when all it took to sell a cigarette was a peppy pug-faced guy in a doorman's uniform.

Basically, we have a hard time believing that computers would lie to us. It makes us remarkably unsophisticated and gullible. To demonstrate this, I created the Save the Guinea Worm Foundation. Guinea Worm is a parasite that causes unbelievable pain, suffering, and disfigurement among thousands of people in the developing world. Specifically, it grows up to three feet long while burrowing merrily through its host's flesh, pops its head out at the foot, and must be extracted over days or weeks by rolling the exposed section of the worm around a stick, little by little, until the entire worm has been slowly yanked out. A number of major health agencies, including the World Health Organization and UNICEF, have dedicated themselves to eradicating Guinea Worm in the next decade.

So I set about to create a reasonably-acceptable looking website for the Save the Guinea Worm Foundation, an organization alledgedly dedicated to protecting this poor creature, the "World's most endangered species." Consider it field research into techogenic gullability. And, sure enough, it wasn't long before I received my first piece of irate email:

Date: Sun, 22 Feb 1998 22:40:12 -0800
From: [name and address withheld]
Subject: You sure don't give the whole story
To:

You should have showed pictures of all the pain and suffering caused by this terrible parasite. Think you're argument is a little one sided. Maybe you should keep the species going by allowing yourself to become a host. I wonder if your view would change as the three foot worm slowly makes its way through your flesh and burrows a hole out a joint or the sole of your foot.

Here's my response:

Dear Guinea Worm defender,

Thank you for your recent request for information about our Preservers program. We have received an overwhelming number of applications for our third group of volunteers to host living Guinea Worms. The Preservers' valiant efforts will help preserve the species against certain destruction at the hands of the Guinea Worm Destruction Cartel led by the United Nations. Being a Preserver isn't easy, but with the challenges comes the reward of helping protect the earth's most endangered species.

Due to the phenomenal response to our appeal for Preservers, we will be temporarily unable to process your request. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Thanks again for your support. Together, we will end the worldwide destruction of this life form.

__________________________________________________
      Save the Guinea Worm Foundation:
Protecting the world's most endangered species.
        Save the Date! August 7 is 
   International Save the Guinea Worm Day!

Research continues. Updates forthcoming.